Going Back to the Cross

Nothing will grow you in self denial quite like marriage or the mission field.   I’ve never thought of myself as being a selfish person, or a weak person.  But, as a friend often tells me, when the heat raises, the dross comes to the top.  The past few weeks (and by weeks, I mean months) preparing to go back on the field, now as a wife, the heat has been turned up and my dross has been visible dissatisfaction with almost everything, due to the fact that none of it has really gone the way I’ve wanted it to.  If there’s one thing I know about crucifying oneself like Jesus instructed, it’s that it’s not comfortable.  It’s not natural.  And it will never coincide with our feelings.  Just the word crucifixion implies pain.  I often make the mistake of thinking that my time of coming face to face with the Gospel lies back years ago when I became a Christian.  But as believers, it’s what we always come back to.  It’s the basic truth of what we still believe.  We fear evangelism because we know that the Gospel is offensive.  Should we then expect the confrontation and abrasive nature of that Gospel to completely fade after we believe?  Even seasoned believers can tell you that the idea of sacrificing everything, putting ourselves last, and placing full trust in an unseen God is still fairly uncomfortable.  Elisabeth Elliot, one of my favorite women due to her no nonsense approach to just about everything, had to the belief that we should stop tuning into our feelings and just do what’s right.  I know that if I really had that mindset, my life would be an entirely different animal.

Support raising is a vital part of missions, whether it be a week long trip or on the field full time.  It’s where God takes your faith and comfort zone and stretches it in a way that you probably haven’t experienced before.  It’s not an experience that feels natural or comfortable.   On the contrary, it provokes months of exhausting and panic inducing conversations, as you wonder if God is actually going to follow through on His word.  And He asking the same thing about you.  And every week or so you will contemplate whether it’s worth it.  Because you’re tired.  You’re frustrated.  You hate packing.  You love your family.  You don’t know rich people and the money isn’t exactly rolling in.  And you think maybe God made a mistake and doesn’t know what He’s talking about… And eventually you learn to go back to his cross and take up yours, and you stop tuning into your anxious feelings and just do what’s right.  Which is sometimes just trusting Him.  I’ve done support raising before, but I’m a professional kind of stubborn, so I’m learning it all again.  And my husband is learning it.  And recently, it’s gone something like this…

A week after getting my beloved Jeep, the universe seemed to have wanted to destroy it, with a series of destructive events.  Reality told me finances would prevent us from fixing them all, but the most pressing of the repairs for our upcoming journey was replacing the windshield.  Last week the crack had finally progressed across the entire span of the glass and I was starting to confront my irrational fear that it would implode and cut my face off.  The cost would be $200 to replace, which we didn’t have.  Fast forward one complaint filled day, we get a check for $200 in the mail.  At the time, because I’m stubborn, I simply thought it was a beautiful kind of coincidence.  And our real problem was going to be the moving truck. One way or another, the truck will cost about $2300.  A number much higher than our bank account.  With support being cut, there’s been a delay in funding the move itself, and we had no idea how we would pay for such an expense.  A few days later, an unexpected refund check came in the mail for, you guessed it, $2300.

This is support raising.  This is our God providing.  The beauty of our faith is not an idea that we believe in an uncertain God.  It’s an invitation to place our hope in the surest and most capable hands, knowing He is strong enough and faithful enough to protect and provide for us.  And we are not.  Our feelings and logic chronically lead us astray.  Our Father does not.  He satisfies.  He comes through.  He goes before us.  He’s a Father worth bearing our cross and following.

Matthew 16:24-25: Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

———————————————————————————————————–We are still not fully funded for our monthly support.  But don’t think God won’t provide.  This past week is evidence that He does!  It’s hard to hold onto that promise, but His promises are good.  And His Great Commission can’t be stopped, regardless of our fear for support.  Our prayer is that you would want to join in.